Notes to Lucas

First tooth - 8 months old, and another tooth 2 weeks later!
First solids - April 19, 2008
First crawl - August 10, 2008 - the day you turned 9 months old!
First pulled yourself up to standing - September 10, 2008 (the day you turned 10 months old - you have a pattern!)
First word - "Bip" (Pip) followed soon after by "da" (daddy)
Top two teeth - 11 months old
Next two top teeth - 14 months old

8/18/08 - Tonight when we were laying down to get you to sleep you laughed at something or other. I laughed because the sound of your laugh is so sweet. You laughed at the sound of me laughing and before long we were both in hysterics. This went on for a good 3 minutes, which doesn't sound like long but when you are cracking up it's quite a long time. I love you so much.

8/21/08 - We took you for a check-up yesterday. You are a little over 21 pounds and 29 and 3/4 inches! You are in the 50th percentile for weight and head circumference and the 90th percentile for height. I wonder if you will be tall like the men on my side of the family.

This morning you woke up at 4:30 in the morning. Your Dad went in to change you and bring you into our room. I heard you over the monitor through a sleep haze, saying "Hi Da-yee". Your Dad said back "Hi Luke". It was adorable. We love you so much sweet boy.

9/1/08 -
You love when Daddy plays the guitar. You kick both legs and shake your arms around. When he stops playing you cry. I have a video of all of the above. Your dad and I get such a kick out of it. You have so much personality for such a little guy!

A star is born

The end of my pregnancy was arduous.

Pre-eclampsia snuck up on me, and my due date came and went. In a classic case of misplaced trust I followed the doctors' advice and was induced three days after my due date. However Luke was not ready to greet the world. He did not budge and after 12 hours of start and stop contractions his heart rate began to decelerate. The decision was made to perform an emergency c-section. I was deeply saddened over this outcome since I had pictured a very different birth experience.

My sadness over the change in events was quickly eclipsed by the most intense and profound love I'd ever felt...

Lucas Robert Heath arrived at 7:35 A.M. on November 10, 2007, weighing 9.5 pounds, and measuring 21 inches long. He was beautiful.

Lucas ~ 3 hours old

Bright-eyed and winsome

Happy little-big guy in his Bumbo

Didn't you see the signs?

For years I would torture myself with this: DIDN'T YOU SEE THE SIGNS?!?

No.

No.

No...but maybe I should have....

299.00

"Lucas recites and sings his ABCs. He tends to have echolalia. He can point to pictures and has 50 to 100 words...He seems to enjoy physical contact with his mom. 

Head normocephalic. Fontanels closed. No hair whorls...

Lucas is able to climb and W sits, but did not require truncal support...

Lucas was a cute little boy who seemed younger than his age of 34 months...Lucas made little eye contact and did not point to indicate to an adult an interest in something out of his reach. 

His mom noted that he was more easily distracted during this session than he usually is at home. Lucas likes familiarity. 

DIAGNOSIS

Autism: 299.00;
Dyspraxia: 315.4"




And I thought maybe...maybe my heart was breaking.

In the beginning...

There's all kinds of history I could type here. So many decisions made and not made that I could ruminate over. I was twenty-seven when I found out I was pregnant. My husband and I had been married for two years and together for six. We were in love but we struggled...

Ours was his second marriage and he had two children already as well as a tumultuous relationship with his ex-wife. He did not want more children. And I did. We had never reached a resolution when we discovered that a baby was on the way. Despite whatever misgivings existed, Nathan threw himself into the many tasks that accompany impending fatherhood (take 3!). He was an amazing partner - reassuring me, comforting me, going to as many prenatal visits as his job would allow.


Despite always wanting to be a mom I reasoned that I would be a mom "someday" and had set a self-imposed (and somewhat ridiculous) "deadline" of thirty. "When I am 30", I thought, "I will be grown-up enough to be a mom. We'll be financially stable and I will be mom material". But here it was, three years too early! The careful planner in me was aghast and anxious. Looking back I realize that anxiety permeated my pregnancy. I worried about what I ate, what I didn't eat, my mood swings, the baby's kicks, the baby's gender, how much weight I gained...it was endless. At a trade show a co-worker and dear friend laughed as I ran around looking for a cell signal so I could call the doctor and make sure that the lunch meat I'd eaten without thinking about wouldn't kill the baby. 

At 20 weeks we had our ultrasound which showed a well developing baby boy. 

Instead of being elated my worries became even more ferocious. Would he be healthy? What about Down's Syndrome? Should we get the inconclusive test that might just make us worry more? And always, always in the back of my mind...please don't let him have autism.